Episode Transcript
All right, welcome to Quiet the Noise. name is Gary LeBlanc. I'm here with Brian Coons. Hey, Brian.
Brian Coones (00:33)
Gary, thanks brother, thanks for having me.
Gary (00:36)
no, no, no, that's going to be fun. so we'll frame this up by saying, we're going to talk about emotional fitness today. So, you know, I know a lot of people haven't heard of that term, but you know what I talked about physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energies. So it's funny, we're going to double click on emotional fitness. often, you know, hear physical fitness, obviously, but emotional fitness.
You know, we don't really hear that every day. So do you want to just give a little bit of an overview of what that means and maybe a little description of who you are, what you're up to.
Brian Coones (01:09)
Sure. Yeah, well, my name is Brian Coons and I focus mostly on helping companies and individuals with stress management. I do that through workshops and coaching and retreats and speaking. I also focus a lot on emotional intelligence as well for leadership. But emotional fitness in general, you know, it's
A term that you don't hear very often and as you mentioned, physical fitness is something that everybody understands, but many people don't actually intentionally work on their emotions. So a lot of people have a sort of a set point. I am very reactive to certain situations and they own that with a story. It's who I've always been and that's the way it is. But the interesting and beautiful thing about that and
us as human beings, as we do have the ability to literally begin to rewire behaviors and patterns with awareness, to learn to respond to situations more skillfully. When stressors come up, we're able to, with practice, create resilience to either come back to center more quickly or even allow those raindrops to sort of come off the back. And the interesting thing about
Gary (02:25)
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (02:33)
emotional fitness is really what it does is it creates resilience. So it's just a matter of whenever I'm through something, how quickly do I notice awareness and what is my emotional fitness capacity to bring myself back to equanimity, to homeostasis.
Gary (02:36)
Mm -hmm.
Mm hmm. No, I love that. Yeah. You know, we talked about this all time and getting back to the metaphor of physical fitness. I think there's a lot of things we can, we can kind of parse out for the listener. So if we think of physical fitness, we go to the gym and we increase muscle strength, we increase muscle endurance and we increase muscle size. Right? So we go to the gym and we do that so that the other 160 hours of the week.
we feel good, we look good, we're more resilient, right? It's not about the reps in the gym per se. It's about what the reps in the gym provide in our normal life. And when I think of emotional fitness, it's quite similar. Like you leverage a lot of modalities such as meditation, breath work. Those are the reps that's really doing the work, but it's really then taking that emotional kind of reps, that emotional fitness that in the gym, so to speak, all those tactics.
and then building that resilience. if we look at the physical world, you know, if you're walking around stronger with a bit more muscle, good endurance, you can take some hits. You can physically take some hits, you know, you can get injured and come back quicker. And it's funny when we talked about emotional fitness, that resilience is kind of about that, right? It's kind of emotional injury, you could call it and coming back quicker from it.
Brian Coones (04:10)
Exactly. Yeah. And you mentioned the reps and that's so important with any practice. You know, we can talk more about modalities as we go, but it really comes down to every time I'm able to, with my mind, bring myself back to centers, that's on my bicep curl for the brain. But there's a whole nervous system component to this as well, where, you know, we just physically react, you know, out of survival to many situations in a way that
Gary (04:17)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (04:37)
begins to create negative thoughts and we get ourselves stuck there sometimes. you and I have talked about this for years as well. when we get those gut punches, they're inevitable. And I would say that in the world we're in right now, it's more important than ever with all the noise and all the things happening in the news that we intentionally work on creating a way for us to come back to center.
quickly because as soon as we get stuck in those places ruminating, we're wasting energy. We have a finite amount of energy, I'll actually say an infinite amount of energy that we have access to that channels through us. But for many of us, lot of that energy is bleeding off into low level stress and rumination and fears and worries about the future or we're just stuck on something that someone said or did in the past versus being present in this moment.
Gary (05:13)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (05:34)
where we have access to all those resources to do great things, create.
Gary (05:38)
Yeah, no, I love that because you touched on a bunch of things. I'm trying to, I'm trying to connect the dots here. You know, first you mentioned, you know, noise, you mentioned the fact that, you know, this episode is really, you know, the podcast is quiet, the noise, but this episode is really about when there is noise, how do you handle it? Right? So there are ways to quiet the noise, obviously creating space for yourself, breath, meditation,
those are little moments where you can quiet the noise and you can be with yourself, see what's kind of under the hood. But inevitably in life, especially now there is going to be noise. We can try to quiet as much as we can, but there is going to be noise. So, you know, when I dig into what you were saying, there are kind of two aspects of it for me. There's the trigger aspect and then there's the response aspect, right? Like in Buddhism, we have that, you know, we have that sensing
arising and responding, right? We sent something, emotions arise and we respond. But right now the gap between sensing and responding is, is immediate. There's no space between those. So would it be, would it be accurate to say that, you know, due to, you know, the chronic state of noise we have now that is that why this is, you know, in the zeitgeist right now, like you didn't 50 years ago, we weren't talking about this.
So why do you think this is such a big deal now specifically?
Brian Coones (07:08)
Well, I think there's a number of reasons if we're talking about historically. mean, as human beings, we've lost connection with nature. And one of the many modalities is simply just being connected to nature where we have an opportunity to resonate at that frequency. People who live in urban areas, which is very common now, their nervous system is continually being stimulated by Wi -Fi signals, by traffic noises, white noises.
news, there's no space as you said. So we don't have that opportunity just to naturally come back to resonance. So it's more important now to be intentional about fostering practices that will simulate that same feeling. then so you mentioned meditation and breath work, example, wonderful practices to become more mindful because we just can't stop that trigger for many of us. We can.
over years and years of healing. If you do that work, as it said, those samskaras, those experiences within us, and we're all unique, what triggers you will not trigger me or somebody else per se. But it's that awareness that comes from practices like meditation or just sitting in silence where you start to really tune into yourself and then you begin to notice more often when you are triggered.
Gary (08:08)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
Brian Coones (08:35)
And then at that point, here's my toolkit and here's some techniques that I can use. So I think that just based on your question, there's just less space for people to resonate, to center. We're not spending much time in nature and we have to practice something to be able to foster that ability.
Gary (08:36)
Mm -hmm.
Mmm.
Right.
Yeah, you know, there's a lot of, there's no space these days. You know, I think if you go back 100 years, there was only space. There was nothing to do. The sun would go down, you'd light a few candles and you tell each other stories. You know, now we're constantly constantly literally, you know, dialed in where we're connected. It's almost like what they called it in the matrix, right?
Brian Coones (09:08)
Yeah.
Gary (09:26)
You kind of tap into the matrix and we're all kind of all tapped into the matrix through our phones, through our devices. So there's a greater need because you know, the problem has surfaced, you know? so I totally, I totally hear you there. You, you had a point. Yeah.
Brian Coones (09:43)
Yeah, I would just add one more quick thing to that too that just came to mind is that, you know, if we look back at when you said we had all the time, but it wasn't easy. You know, people had to do hard things and we've also lost that the pleasure and comfort that we gravitate to as a culture now is not helping us. And so being intentional about those other practices as well that really put a load on you helps create that resilience as well physically, mentally.
Gary (09:53)
Mm hmm. Of course.
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (10:12)
spiritually all the things.
Gary (10:14)
Yeah, no, it seriously is a compounding effect. The fact that we don't have more space, the fact that we're always in quote unquote comfort. So we don't build that resilience naturally over time. And then you get to a place where, you know, it's funny, physical, physical discomfort can build emotional resilience, you know, you know, these modalities of energy are kind of overlapping. They're not unique streams, right? So to your point, it's funny.
We're also comfortable all the time. So we don't have, we don't have those innate tools. Like even if we're not deliberate about it, we just evolved differently way back then. So it's, it's a great qualifier 100%. And, know, I find, you know, just again, looking at what you work on and looking at how important it is, you know, if you think of your daughter, you know, you have a daughter, you have a son and they're in their
tweens, teens, how old is Jax now? Yeah, so, so they're getting to a really weird time. You know, puberty is a really weird time. It's a it's a really pivotal time for our, our development as social beings are socialization, you know, we're changing our brains evolving at light speed, right? So their upbringing is very different than what you and I experienced.
Brian Coones (11:14)
9 and 11. Yeah, checks in.
Gary (11:40)
probably thank God, but you know what? It has its own challenges, but how, how do you coach them? Because social media, the phone, it's only going to get worse. So talking about emotional fitness, how do you coach them? Like how do you prepare them for that onslaught that they're going to definitely be dealing with?
Brian Coones (11:57)
Yeah. And that's a great question because it's something that as a parent and you're a father now will be, it'll be top of mind. It's so important that this next generation gets it right. Fortunately, you know, they often will do what you do versus what you say. And so they see me in the cold plunge every day. They see me doing breath work. They see me taking breaks to reset, to stop and just check in with myself.
Gary (12:05)
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (12:27)
Fortunately, through that and that influence over the years, they're doing this often on their own. But I would say it's just so important to really protect them from the things we know that affect their mental health. Social media, for example, we know the data. It's toxic for children.
Gary (12:52)
Mm
Brian Coones (12:53)
especially little girls to be on social media comparing themselves to all these other people. So again, it comes back to what I said. really am intentional about screen time limitations, getting them into nature, allowing them to play. But I think importantly, coming back to emotional fitness, being able to express what they're feeling in a safe place. Because I know growing up for myself and
Gary (12:56)
Yeah.
Okay. Right.
Hmm.
Brian Coones (13:21)
I'm sure you can relate as well. It was a time when, especially for little boys, if we had something on our mind emotionally, we'd just pack that down inside and we've been working on that ever since. But I mean, it's important now where they feel safe to be able to express those things, to articulate it, to identify it, and then realize that all those feelings and thoughts and emotions aren't who they are. It's just something they're experiencing.
Gary (13:29)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Brian Coones (13:50)
creating that separation. So I think that's absolutely important that I really try to lead by example, but also just protect them from that noise as much as possible. mean, our phone is an extension of the thinking mind. 60 ,000 thoughts, we're wired for survival and not happiness. A lot of those thoughts are negative. And if we latch onto those thoughts when we're young, thoughts repeated become beliefs and
Gary (13:52)
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, thoughts are things for sure. Yeah.
Brian Coones (14:18)
Those beliefs are very difficult to remove later. And again, I'm personally still working on that myself from childhood.
Gary (14:25)
Of course. Yeah. It's, you know, it's in that conversation with, you know, how Epic Tetis phrases it. He phrases it as impressions, right? And if you look at your mind as play dough, if you look at your brain as play dough and you know, when you used to get that play dough, it was nice and soft and supple when it would come out of the jar. And within two weeks it would be as hard as a rock. it's kind of similar to our brain.
You know, our brain is very soft and supple and these impressions that are left by our parents, by friends and puberty leave really deep impressions. And, know, it really is about the unlearning of this, of this learned behavior, which is very difficult. And, you know, when I talk to people, you know, because we have similar conversations with people from different angles and I tell people, look, I I'm done. I'm done.
looking at the outcome, I'm done focusing on the outcome. You know, I know what my North star is. I have a very solid North star now. I didn't always know what my North star was, but I have a very solid North star. And what happens when you have a North star? It's a direction that you can count on, right? It's a direction that you can navigate around. But you know, I have that North star now, but when I look at everything that would, that, that my ego was built on,
That's not serving me. So what I try to do is I try to just tell people, look, this isn't about you getting somewhere. This is literally about how are you living your life today? And the minute you start even having that conversation. So the first time you ask yourself, you know, the first time you ask yourself, how do I want to show up today? Really authentically with intention? How do I really want to show up today? I truly believe the minute you ask yourself that question, then you start to reflect is when you win.
Right. And from then on it's process and you never know when things are going to unravel. I'm sure there are things, you know, I started with like a champ when I was younger, big years when I was younger, you know, there's a good chance that, you know, my arms were cut off and they're not growing back. Like there's a good chance that those impressions have hardened in that mind and yeah, they'll evolve, but there's a good chance that I'm going to be dealing with that in some fashion. It'll always be there to be triggered. So I'm just trying to.
Kind of raise the level at which I'm triggered. So it's that unlearning. And when I think of my daughter and I'll move on from this, but when I think of my daughter, it's ultra critical now she's three months old. So it's ultra critical now to your point, 100 % I have to not be on the phone all the time. She's seeing that. So that being normalized as a behavior scares me, you know,
all these little things, all these insecurities, all these judgments. And I don't want to be a bulldozer dad, you know, but I, I definitely don't see the upside of judgment. You know what I mean? There's a difference between discomfort and judgment. So do you want to double click on that? Cause I know you'd have a good perspective on that.
Brian Coones (17:40)
Yeah. Well, it's one of those things where I think it's important for people, if you're a parent listening or anybody who is trying to do some of this work, I think it's important just to step back and really be clear on why you're doing it and accept that. Because you mentioned a lot of things there and a lot of what we do and you mentioned the North Star as well. It's so important how we show up energetically, but having that
North Star, having that thing. it reminds me of the why as well. Being a father for me was one of the biggest catalysts for me to really go all in on this work because I know they're watching. if I didn't want to do it for myself, if I didn't care about or love myself or have enough self -regard to do the work, I was certainly going to do it for them to show up for them. And then accepting the fact that the John Cabot's end quote,
Gary (18:21)
for
Brian Coones (18:38)
You can't stop the waves, you can learn to surf. When you have your North star, when you have your why, when you have something that you're pointed to that matters. and if, and really all of us should be thinking as in terms of peace and joy and happiness and bliss and all the things, because there is dark days and there's days that you don't feel like showing up energetically, but we always have a choice to do that, to, really, to dig in and say, okay, how am I showing up today? And when you say, ask yourself that question, it shifts.
Gary (18:41)
Mm -hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Brian Coones (19:07)
your awareness very quickly to what is that? And this is a choice. Because I might wake up tomorrow and the story might be a dark one and it might actually be a dark day and I might have a crazy day of things I don't even want to do, but I can show up any way I want. But for me, the why is the anchor of doing that and moving forward with intention.
Gary (19:09)
Mm.
you
Hmm. That's a great insight. You know, kind of look at it as scales and the scales are never in our favor when shit happens. The scales aren't in our favor when you're tired, when you're exhausted, when you're triggered, the scales aren't in our favor. Our brain definitely goes to, more of a fatalistic approach, more catastrophizing. Right. And I think to your point, doubling down on the Y is really about the meaning. It's really, really getting your mind to anchor, to remind yourself that
When shit goes bad, okay, why am I doing this again? You know, and you've mentioned this a few times. I've mentioned a few times, but you get to do this, right? It's not, I have to do this. So there's shit you don't want to do. There's shit that happens, but you know what? Maybe you having a bad day at work is still something you get to do. A lot of people can't, a lot of people, you know, are in a situation where they don't have a job and they can't experience that. So I love your anchor on meaning because you know,
I must tell people three, four or five times a day who are going through some shit. And I said, well, look, you got to focus on the meaning behind it. Because if you don't focus on the meaning, you lose the motivation and all you see is the friction. And if all you're seeing is friction, you're not going to make any change. You're going to up having a fixed mindset. You're going to get into a state of learned helplessness and then you're just stagnant. So I really do. I really do love that, you know, meaning why it's all in the same atmosphere.
But kind of along those lines, so say somebody has a clear meaning and, you know, somebody is doing the wraps. I want to, I want to see how you deal with judgment. So because judgment is the source of most of our disease, right? Judgment is the source of most of our, you know, call it suffering, dukkha.
right? That unsatisfactoriness. So one, how do you look at judgment in general? Two, how is your self judgment changed over this journey? Because I know you've changed a ton since the kids were born. And then how do you coach people on managing both self judgment, judgment from others?
Brian Coones (21:53)
Yeah. Well, again, I'll always come back to awareness, mindfulness. First of all, noticing when you're judging because we've been doing it, many of us in autopilot for so long, it just becomes part of our dialogue. Most of the time, know, judgment is based in fear and a lot of the times we are judging ourselves first. I mean, most of the time when somebody is
projecting something negative to you. It's because that is how they're feeling about themselves and that's where their state in the moment is. And really interestingly with judgment, it's very difficult to say, okay, well, I want to be compassionate instead of judgment. I want to be kind instead of judging. And it's really, again, comes down to fostering that practice. First noticing when you're judging and
For many people, I have a simple practice that people can use in mindfulness that is an acronym STOP. And it just means every day for a couple of eight times a day, setting a notification, I have people put a post -it on their bathroom mirror or on the fridge to stop. And it just means to stop. And that means put your phone down, stop flailing your arms and legs, just be still for a moment. That's a door of avoidance for the brain when we're moving our arms.
Gary (22:54)
Mm
Mm
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (23:14)
Tea is just taking a couple of breaths and I can share a couple of different practices around that, but the O is the important one. That's the observing. Am I judging right now? Breaking it up and stopping that pattern and noticing it, just putting awareness on it begins to diminish its potential. Then you can start to look back a little bit deeper into what's behind that judgment. Is it fear? Is it guilt? Is it shame?
Gary (23:36)
Hmm.
Brian Coones (23:40)
we talk about energy, these are the lowest energy frequencies on the map of human consciousness. That's on the opposite end of love, peace and joy. so, stopping to notice where that judgment is begins to help us become more familiar with our own pattern and understanding as well over time that we are all human beings, we are all connected, whether or not I resonate with that particular person or their energy is written.
Gary (23:46)
Hmm
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (24:08)
It doesn't help, but me judging it, me thinking negatively about somebody is like Drake swallowing poison to kill your enemy. And so it's critically important to notice when you're judging, to notice when you are in those loops of thought patterns. Because again, most people spend 95 % of the time in autopilot. mean, this life is literally an algorithm unless we actually wake up for a moment and we're present.
Gary (24:13)
Yeah. Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
Brian Coones (24:37)
By practicing meditation, for example, that helps us become more mindful because it just forces us to sit for a moment with all of those thoughts. Most of the time, if I tell somebody to meditate, it's like, I can't meditate because I can't stop all the thinking and I can't, well, the fact that you're noticing that means you're meditating. So congratulations, you're on the right path. You will have moments of space, but it's a long path and that's why.
Gary (24:53)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm, exactly.
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (25:04)
It's a difficult thing for people to continue because we like that instant gratification that, you know, swallow the pill and I'm cured. so I really think coming back to judgment, it really comes down to mindful of what is actually happening in that moment and just being curious, being open. I I'm not excluding anything from my experience and accepting whether it's a pleasant or unpleasant finding in that moment. Enough times over and over again, you start to unpack what that means for you.
Gary (25:09)
Mm -hmm.
Mm
Right.
Mm -hmm. Yeah, yeah.
I love that. You know, we are at a retreat this weekend together and there was a gentleman who was talking about mindfulness and obviously the Venn diagrams overlap quite a bit in all our practices, right? And he mentioned something and oftentimes we get bogged down into to your point, trying not to think about something, which is thinking about something, you know? and
Brian Coones (26:00)
Yeah. Yeah.
Gary (26:03)
He, he made a statement, which I agree with. And it was when you're meditating, if something comes up and you have a great idea or you learn something about yourself, double click on that. Don't, don't move it away. Like the beauty is this isn't a dogmatic practice. Look, if you can get to a place where everything's quiet and you've done the work and maybe in five minutes, you have a thought or something, maybe in 10 minutes, maybe in five, you know,
There's one thing about the practice, one thing about training yourself, but there's the other thing about learning about yourself and becoming aware and noticing. he said, double click on that. And I completely agree. Sometimes, you know what, if something comes to mind and you made a breakthrough, stop, stop and journal about it. Like take advantage of that because the reason why it did come up was it was the first time.
It was the first time you weren't ruminating about a million things. And finally, one of those senators that aren't as boisterous as the other ones had an opportunity to chime in. And now you're like, fuck, that's there too. I didn't know that was there. So I really love that. I don't know if that resonates with you, but
Brian Coones (27:09)
Yeah.
completely resonates, man. And that's the beauty of the practice. And I completely agree with what he said, and I'll mention journaling as a modality specifically, but when you notice what's happening, you start to create little gaps of space between the random thoughts, such as the secretions of the brain. It's like clouds going through the blue sky of awareness. They they come and they go, and the less you focus on those thoughts or attached to them with any kind of emotion,
Gary (27:24)
Hmm.
Hmm.
Brian Coones (27:44)
they start to dissipate over time. when you do create that space, that's where intuition and wisdom and creativity arise and those new ideas you mentioned. And I would encourage everybody listening to have a journal. I I know that for a lot of men, it's not something we naturally do. think women tend to have been journaling a little bit more throughout their lives. But there's a number of different things you can journal about, but there's...
Gary (28:05)
Mm
Brian Coones (28:12)
There's different practices. One that I love is just writing down three questions every day. What filled me today? What depleted me today? And what did I learn today? Writing those three things down every single day, it's incredible the amount of awareness and clarity that that simple practice develops for people. As they get into week two, you start to notice a pattern. And then you're like, well, if this is draining my energy every day, why am I engaging in that?
Gary (28:20)
Mm
Mm
Brian Coones (28:41)
anymore or why am I not creating distance? And if this is filling my cup, if this is giving me energy, maybe I need to lean into this a little bit more. It's just, there's just the process of putting things on paper. it's incredible. And then, and in that practice, you know, if you do this for 30 days, you might find that you enjoy journaling and you can write gratitude and you can write ideas or whatever else arises.
Gary (28:49)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you know, it reminded me of vampire loads. talked about vampire loads all the time. Those innocuous energy drains that you don't notice, but compounded, they're very significant. And when you do that work, you know, I have my environmental inventory exercise, which is that what nourishes you, what depletes you, and what are you going to change? What have you learned? What are you going to change? And then that pairs well with the skillful journal. So the skillful journal is a moment where you acted unskillfully.
So it's kind of double clicking on the thing that's depleting you and it's often self self -imposed, self -inflicted. So, you know, one is your overall inventory, but the other one is double clicking on that. But I find the daily journaling is a great way to capture all those vampire loads because it's different times a day. It's almost like taking your blood pressure. You can't just take your blood pressure one time during the day. That's not indicative of your blood pressure over time.
You have to take it multiple times a day. And it's kind of the same thing. You want to be doing this multiple days, like not just one day. Like if you're going to get a sense of you as a whole person, it has to be something that becomes a practice. And I know you're a ritual guy. I'm a ritual guy. You know, we have different rituals. we're kind of yin and yang, you know, your, your mindfulness practice would be, where you lean in more. my
call it life engineering practices where I lean in more, but then I also have the mindfulness practice, but you also have the life engineering practice. So it's funny. We do, we do kind of, we do compliment each other quite a bit there, but I think, you know, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this, but you know, the way I look at it is habits, routines and rituals. So the habits are these little things you do. The routines are what you built into it, but they come and they go, but the rituals never leave.
And I find what you just mentioned with those three things that should be a ritual for everybody. Because if you can address those sources of noise, those vampire loads, it is, it is the cheapest way emotionally, mentally, spiritually to level up. You know, it doesn't take more energy. It's the opposite. It's kind of free energy. It's trapped capacity. Back in my old operational days, this trapped capacity, you have a lion running at 73%.
Don't go buy another filler. Just fucking increase the efficiency to 90%. I think we have that opportunity.
Brian Coones (31:30)
Yeah. Well, you used to always use the term blind spots, know, in projects and business and that's it. mean, you know, we have a, human beings have an unlimited capacity for self -deception and usually we wrap a story around something and, know, again, this is who I am or we are completely unconscious to some of our unsavory behaviors that are costing us our peace and joy and happiness. Or, you know, for a lot of us too, we, when something happens, we get into that,
Gary (31:33)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hmm.
Brian Coones (32:00)
that victim mindset as well where, you know, this is this, why is this always happening to me? Like, this is just my luck. And you notice that people say that over and over and over again, it starts to become their story and it's a self -fulfilling prophecy. And, you know, coming back to judgment, you know, as somebody who's done a lot of work on that.
Gary (32:01)
Yeah, huge.
Yeah.
Yeah, huge.
Gotta wet the whistle for sure.
Brian Coones (32:24)
I played a show last night and I realized my vocal cords are little bit tweaked. But I noticed myself judging people that do that at some point as well. And I just understand that people get stuck in a story and a belief.
Gary (32:29)
Yeah. You're just getting emotional, Brian. You're just getting emotional.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Brian Coones (32:50)
And that's the opportunity for – and that's why I do what I do as well. I just try to inspire people to see beyond that. And then when they take ownership, because we have to take ownership. no one – there's a saying goes, no one's coming to save us. We have to have those habits and rituals and routines and all those things and own them. When nobody's looking, you still need to get up and do those things every single day. And if you do those things consistently over time, it creates momentum. It becomes part of who you are.
Gary (32:54)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Brian Coones (33:19)
and you wouldn't have it any other way.
Gary (33:22)
No, I love that. You know, that victim complex fixed mindset, learned helplessness. You know, there's that experiment. they did research around the dogs having this, having this environment where they were, I think electrocuted or something to that effect if they cross this line. But then eventually they took away the deterrent, but the dog wouldn't cross that line. It was a learned helplessness. And I find to your point.
that repeating of a victim complex, that repeating that what's going to happen is out of your control. When you repeat that to yourself, it becomes, it becomes an imaginary cage. You know, Josh talks about limiting beliefs. It's all the same thing. It's this imaginary cage and it's really fueled by your constant rumination over this victimhood. And when people say, you know, when you talk about victimhood, people get offended because
It's kind of like not validating what they're going through. This has nothing to do about validating your present situation. That is an objective conversation we can have, but it's how you're framing how that situation is affecting you. That's where the victim hood comes in and it provides no value. The framing of it doesn't provide any value. What it does is it just pulls you down. The objective situation. We can talk about that all day. I'll talk about that all day, but let's just not frame it.
And you mentioned equanimity before being able to take everything as it comes, not place those labels. Nobody can convince me. We can have a debate. Nobody can convince me. Putting a label on anything has ever served you has ever served you putting that label on good or bad. I know how it served you. You know, when something good happens, you feel good. You know, you feel good. You don't have to say, Hey, this is a good thing. No, I just feel great. You're present. You're not frank. You know, you're not labeling things.
But when things go bad, this sucks. There's no danger that you're not going to feel bad, but the labeling doesn't, it doesn't make it better. so I really, yeah. Anyway, sorry.
Brian Coones (35:27)
tip.
Yeah, no, no. mean, that's a wonderful way of doing it, saying it. And the framing is so important. And as you said, when there is always going to be good and bad, how do you accept those equally? And that's still the rub. That's still the challenge, but that's the work. But when you practice mindfulness and you learn to engage the observer, the witness, the person, whoever's listening to my voice right now, who is that in you? It's not your body. It's not...
you might try to bring it all the way back and somewhere into your head. There is a witness there and that same witness within you, when you become more familiar with bringing that into presence through meditation, you can start to notice things happening from a higher perspective. As Ram Dass says, can notice the river from the bridge, from a different perspective. And therefore, emotions, energy and motion, when they just start to come up in your body, you can start to notice those things without actually going straight
Gary (36:15)
Mmm.
Hmm.
Brian Coones (36:29)
to your script, to your Rolodex of the, you why has this always happened to me or this sucks, I hate this, I hate this. You know, it just is, you know, and really relinquishing control is a beautiful way to, you know, to liberate from suffering because a lot of the suffering we create is in our own minds.
Gary (36:38)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, a hundred percent. You know, I love river metaphors, you know, Bruce Lee was all about the river. Heraclitus was all about the river. You know, a man never steps in the same river twice because it's not the same river and he's not the same man. So you, you compound that with the Ram Dass piece. It's like, you're the observer looking at the different man in the different river. And it's a super, super perspective on things. off to off the journal about that later.
Brian Coones (36:54)
I didn't know that.
Gary (37:20)
so look, we're going to wrap it up here. I want to know, you know, there's a lot of tactics here. The show notes are going to be filled with nuggets. yeah, there's, there's so much we touched on that, is super tactical, super tactical, but I just want to finish off with like what you're jazzed about. So we, we've been business partners for a while now. We've been friends for an even longer time.
So we spend a lot of time together. What what's getting you super jazz man.
Brian Coones (37:53)
You know, right now, what the first thing that leaps to mind is gathering groups of people together to really experience some of these things I'm describing. So I've been doing more experiential practices and groups and gatherings and retreats, marrying breath with music, two things I love. And in those states, when people get into those places, you create a container, whether it's a...
Gary (38:13)
Super cool, yeah.
Brian Coones (38:21)
10 people, 100 people, 1 ,000 people, and everybody comes together with an intention to step outside themselves for a moment, just to smash those frames, so to speak, as you were just talking about, and taking them through an experience where they're breathing, which creates such a physiological effect in the body, and it really starts to override the monkey mind and all the noise.
Gary (38:43)
Yeah.
Brian Coones (38:49)
with music as well, taking them on a journey. I just love the marriage of these two primal practices. And what I've witnessed in that realm has been nothing but beautiful. I've seen people healing in the moment. I've seen people walking away just feeling so much lighter and so much more happy and just really reconnecting with themselves and one another. So I would think right now that's one of the most exciting things that kind of jazzes me right
Gary (39:18)
Yeah, it's super cool. I don't want to, you know, that's a perfect, that's a perfect ending. I'll just, you just made me think of frequency, the word frequency and how when you pair music, which is obviously frequency, but breath is also frequency. It's almost like a macro frequency. It's a frequency of breath. It's this resonance you're creating in the body. You know, it all gets back to harmony in my mind.
You know, when you bring the physical, the spiritual, the emotional, and the mental into resonance, when they're harmonic, I think there's a compounding, there's a natural compounding, you know, when you, when everything gets in a harmonic and they start to compound each other, it's, it's almost like you go from one to a hundred and it's just this little tweak, just, just these little tweaks in frequency. And I know that you've been doubling down on this and it really is about iteration.
You've been doing it. You've been learning. You've been iterating and you've been kind of approaching closer and closer to being able to get people in that natural resonance. And, know, I can see it from your energy and I can see it from how you approach these things now. And it's a, yeah, it's a super cool thing, man. Just to witness from the outside. So congrats on all that. any look, I kind of framed everything up here. Anything you want to leave people with obviously,
Brian Coones (40:38)
Thank you, brother.
Gary (40:46)
Like you said, what you're up to, how people can contact you, et cetera, et cetera.
Brian Coones (40:50)
Yeah, it's Brian Coons on social media and BrianCoons .com is the website. And on the website, I have all of the upcoming events and all the things. Yeah.
Gary (41:00)
Right on dude. Well, you know what? We had a great, great jam here. with the, the one and only, rock, beast, caveman to consciousness caveman to consciousness was, the, the kind of story that we were, that we were telling throughout these past 12 years. So, I really do love that. it, nothing fits more than.
Brian Coones (41:12)
That's it,
Gary (41:27)
than you when I think of cavemanic consciousness. it's a beautiful ride, man. Thanks for taking the time. All right, dude.
Brian Coones (41:34)
Thank you again, brother.
Gary (41:38)
All right, Good.
